I Think I Got it Wrong…

As Christians we sometimes get it wrong.

I’ve been a Christian since I was 7 years old. However, I only recently understood what it meant to live like one. As I am going through recovery, God is unlocking parts of me constantly. It’s like making a great discovery except “everyone” else already made it…so it’s really only news to me 🙂. 

I want to share my discovery with everyone…and I’ve been doing that. I started this blog to do that with MORE people. Now being new in my biblical understanding, I worried about others’ opinions of me (people pleasing and pride) and realized I was holding back in my posts. My husband referred to my blog as a devotional. Whoops! That was never my intent. Devotionals are great for daily reminders of God’s grace, mercy, and love. However, my blog is about my recovery journey. This means raw truth…no matter how it makes others feel.

So let’s try this again…

Hello, my name is Diane. I’m alive in Christ. I struggle with people pleasing, pride, and control. This week I’m having a difficult time discerning God’s will from my own desires. I want to honor God in all things and find myself second guessing and allowing doubt to enter my thoughts.

I thought I KNEW what God was calling me to. I just knew he was calling me out of my chosen profession. Everything just seemed to fall into place for it. Every door was shutting in my face and I was rejected at every turn. But there was no replacement career path. I had no other desire except to start this blog but everyone knows these take years to monetize so…there’s that. My husband and I are starting a baking business; but again…years.

What the heck?! Again, I’m new here! How does this work? Am I doing it wrong? No! It’s OK! I’ve got time. I trust God’s plan…but would God really pull me out of my career with no other prospects? Just be still and wait. Pray. Abide. OBEY. Peace consumes me while everyone around me worries. I’m not scared.

BAM! I get a phone call from someone I applied with a month ago…wanting to interview me. WHAT IS GOING ON??!!! This is in the career field I’m leaving because I felt led to. DOUBT! FEAR! I don’t want to mess this up.

I think I’m so excited to answer God’s call that I’m missing it when it comes. I’m expecting HUGE change but maybe God is making subtle changes. I want to stay obedient. I can’t mess this up.

What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. 1 Samuel 15:22

I’m continuing to pray for discernment and that God’s will be done. I accept whatever outcome comes of this. Fear, doubt, and worry have no place here.

I love you and can’t wait to see you again!

Diane